Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize