Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
pray to the hookup gods
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
