he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
