you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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