Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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