A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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