Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
