Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
