I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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