dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
