I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
