I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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