You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
