I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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