I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
