9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
