Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
