I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
