dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
