I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize