youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize