He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
