i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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