she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize