She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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