bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Operation Purity has been aborted
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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