The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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