I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
