My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
