Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
