i would punch a child for taco bell
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize