I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
