I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I am puke
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
