so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
