I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i believe in u and ur pee
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
