i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
