the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
