Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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