peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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