dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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