I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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