My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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