Whatcha textin bout Willis?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
