And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So. Much. Porn.
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