this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
