Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
