my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I need a beard to bite.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
