He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
