i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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