Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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