He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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