i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
