so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
