My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
