He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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