So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize