I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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