I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
