Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
