I wish you could order shots online.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
