If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
