so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
nutella sex= disaster
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
porn star boner night. come get it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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