This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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