he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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